My first STD was from a foam party
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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