You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
