I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
