Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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