I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i now understand why vodka
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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