So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
