i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
