oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
