your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
