Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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