Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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