what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
