Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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