we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize