Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
