I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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