When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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