well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
