so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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