Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
