dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
