just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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