When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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