it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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