I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
