that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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