trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize