dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
