I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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