If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
