census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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