it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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