One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
