Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
