maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
