What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
