i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
