No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
