I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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