I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize