I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
