i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize