WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
