UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
