I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
being pregnant is like rehab
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
