that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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