I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is wine microwaveable?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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