As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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