There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
