i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
