I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
