Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
