and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
