Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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