Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
