Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize