I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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