Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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