I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
