Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
