Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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