There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
