Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
