shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
