splinters make it hard to masturbate
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
