Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
